Twonk's space

i've just re-read some emails been sending recently, i should really listen to the advice i give out but i never do

 

ho hum

morning!

 

yes i aint been on here for a while, ashame huh?  what do you mean no!  you bastards

 

anyways, aint been up to much recently so not really had anything to add, well apart from another silleh song, but we wont go there, the fact that the other day it took me nearly 6 hours to work out what i wanted to eat for dinner, i bought a WII finally and thinks its silleh fun, OH and i spotted me old wagon, aww bless, i tooks a photo on me phone (its definately same one same number plate and more to the point same ickle dent in the back right quater... lalala)

 

i aint written a bloggy type blog yet, or have i, i dunno but anyways been weird day today started off by meeting this really wonderful woman.  i went there to carry out a usual quote for some building works and found out it was an ensuite for her as shes disabled, she couldnt be that much older than me and seemed fine apart from a bit underweight and a awkward limp, turns out she has an extremely rare disorder that eats away at her muscles, and shes in an "accelerated" stage and been told she only has a couple of years left to live.  never met someone who was dying before, well i met old people who look like they wont make it til tomorrow, but you know thats different.  i thought they'd be all depressed and resigned but she was ironically full of life, a real character and someone i think everyone would just be able to talk to for ages and ages and have a laugh with.  its a real shame that something like this is happening to her and so i was on a bit of a downer this afternoon.

 

UNTIL!   yes, you cant keep a good man down, except with a nail gun!  that'll work.  yes i soon cheered up this afternoon thanks to a bird dying to get in my room last night... literally, yup there i was in bed at about 2am dribbling away thinking of pyschic cyber ducks (as we all do) when BANG!  i thought some twunt monkey had thrown something at me window and forgot aboots it, obviously due to lack of full nights sleep i didnt notice this morning when i drew the curtains but there on the flat roof was a pidgeon with its head caved in and its chest wide open (weird that bit, and icky).  so my neighbours had the fun sight of seeing me getting up a ladder (in a shirt n tie no less, i dunno why i didnt change first) n putting it in a black sack, before lobbing it over the edge of the roof into the garden, it kinda went "schplop" when it landed, tehe. 

 

hmm, for some reason i dont fancy chicken tonight and why aint i wearing any pants?!

 

anyways i know theres more spelling errors in here than well anywheres in the known punnyverse but i feel lazy today, so jog on!

Every now and then i get bored, when i get bored, i'll do one of a few things, no not that, well even if i did i wouldnt admit it on here, well probably would actually cause i dont care, but thats not the point.  the point is one of those things is make silly parodies of songs and me mate kev just sent back to me a song i did for him aaaaaaaages ago, also found an old classic so i thought i'd put 'em on here for your view (dis)pleasure

---

twas the monty python lumberjac song!

 

 

Yes, horror, been watching a lot of it recently for some strange unknown reason, maybe its because when you have to wake up with my face every morning nothing scares you anymore... hmmm, well apart from when i was watching some really bad one on tuesday that actually made me jump, it was obvious it was coming too!  doh!  luckily i was on my own so no one will ever know... oh wait, doh!

 

Anyways, yesterday i had a horror fest of evil dead 1 and 2 and some japanese horror (which wasnt that bad actually) called incarnation.  I was going to watch another but got bored from it all and gave up.  so after talking to me mate online and then trying and failing to get some sleep (wonder if thats related to my recent horror obsession?) I gave up on trying to sleep and watched Penny Dreadful... yes first time i've watched a film where the title pretty much sums up the film

 

That'll learn me, its friday 13th tomorrow!

TEH HORROR!

Be careful kiddies (despite what i said in a previous post about friday 13th not being that unlucky really) or the booger man might get you, or more to the point me.  Yes i nearly ran over some ipod zombie today, yay for brakes and him nearly messing himself in fear.  I wound me window down n called him a twunt.  Not sure what confused him more, my interesting choice of insults or the fact that i shouted at him despite him having his earplugs still in his head.

 

Oh well, i looked angry so im sure he got the gist. 

Ooo two posts in 3 days, almost becoming regular! 

 

No not in a boo-hoo i spilt me milk type way... well, i was at first but then i realised i had more milk!  huzzah!

 

err

yes, i mean im sad because i found myself on youtube t'other day watching the lovely classic re-mix of the cillit bang advert (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dT2iE1OBGk) and thought, they should make him king!  and michael winner queen thanks to his calm down dear adverts!

 

and lo!  moucho coinage and badges where made! well one, i already did a cillit bang badge, hence im sad!  in a "tarded" type way

 

also me matey kevey, made a EXACT clone of me with the use of vegtables and stuffs, he mentioned it was anotomically correct which is apparent due to the lack of bollocks, i'd of moaned at him but he had a point, which is more than i have seeing as im missing that too

 

this should also make me sad, but im far too stupid to realise this!

talking of naff badges, i made a ironic awards badge i might do from time to time, or it'll be a one off cause im a lazy fooker

 

anyways i'll leave you with a bad joke!

 

when god created women

she had not two breasts but three

and the middle one got in the way

so god did surgery

and woman stood in front of god

with the middle breast in her hand and said

"what will i do with this useless boob?"  and god created man!

Like the return of the whiney kid... err i mean jedi, lilmisslostit is back!  and this time its personal!

 

me loves naff sequals, actually im not sure i do, but there you go

 

I had time to kill this morning after sillily booking in late morning surveys so i thought "its dodgy photoshopping tyhme!" and LO!  two dodgy shops for your viewing (dis)pleasure, with a rather interesting star warsey theme for some reason

 

i sure more will follow but i have lost my inspiration, or more to the point time as i gotta dash in a mo, oh alas i haves to spend all day in my new car (its a seat leon lillmissdidntreadpreviousposts!) oh the shames of it

BRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooommm

 

that was me driving past in me new wagon!  yes barbara survived til i gots me new car, and what a car!  ok its no ferrari and not top of the range even but its one big step up from me old wagon and it put a smile on me face and thats all that counts!  well it does for me

 

back to work tomorrow so it'll be sat in the yard all day longs while i worry about someone clipping it, bah! but also yays its mine ALL MINE!  muwhahahaha n stuffs

 

also i've eaten too much today due to taking me mum out for a pub lunch then meeting me mate and taking him for a spin out to sunny ongar and having a pub dinner!  me be fatso, lucky i got a bigger engine to pull the extra weight

 

my clothes smell of new car smell, heh

i'll post a pic of me new car soon cause i gotta take a snap for me mate johnny dizzler so its not that im sad and would take a pic of the car to show off or anything, it was a request!  honest!*

 

i is off to dream of more driving!

 

*probably would of done it anyways

Good news!

 

Yes twonk luvers, I haves some good news!  No I aint got me car yet (soon tho!) and no I aint had a haircut, faff off!

 

The good news is Friday 13th isn’t the unluckiest day after all!  It’s really Monday 27th!  Why?  Cause I said so dagmanit!  Also cause they did some boring study of insurance companies etc and found out, but mainly cause I said so!

 

So why is this good news?  Cause there’s no Monday 27th until August!  So if that’s not good news then I don’t know what is, well apart form world peace, Holly Valance realising the only one she’ll ever love is me, Southend football club staying up, and the Australians realise that even though they call us “whinging poms” statistically they spend more time moaning! (yes I’m full of facts today rather than just gobschite like normal).

 

Ok I live in a fantasy world but those things could happen, which would be very good news for me (especially the Southend staying up, which is obviously more important to me than world peace or lots of nookie with holly valance... I might need help!).

 

So there you go, I bringeth good news, so don’t say I never give you anything cause I never do, so ner!  

 

...oh wait

Its february!

 

how'd that happen!?!?  i aint written some naff shite on here since last year, well slap me about the face with a randy and slightly confused piglet

 

anyways i promise (not) to update more often for my many many fans.... err well i'll update anyways so ner!

 

in mean time have a panoramic silly pic of me family (can you spot what we did? :P), a silly "if McDonalds ruled the world!" type pic and also a rubber duck eagle!

 

TehFear!